I am sad

I am sad, and very sad

I am depressed, and very depressed

I am pathetic, and very pathetic,

I am a loser, and a big loser

I stand no chance, no chance whatever

I have no hope, at all

Can I please just die?

I’ve had enough.

Seriously can’t go on 😦

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Loneliness makes one silly

I will share something quite personal today. Depression/loneliness etc, has made me so stupid and silly and not to forget DESPERATE. But the good thing I sort of realise that it’s the loneliness making me act this way and not my original personality (whatever of it exists). I FEEL VERY LONELY AND DESPERATE FOR A REAL FRIEND/PARTNER. And because of it whoever I meet, even online, I start to imagine my whole life with them like wtf seriously?

But I seriously do, like we’re gonna be the best of the buddies, or even marry and whatever not. I get attached sooo easily and expect soo much emotionally so quickly, that it’s absolutely ridiculous and I really feel sorry for myself that what loneliness has turned me into . For a grown up person like me, this sort of behavior is ridiculous. I am not a teenager or a young person anymore. I should be getting on with my life and doing the things which I am supposed to be and focusing on my career and other things, trying to become somewhat of a successful person, but I act and feel like the most frivolous person in the world due to loneliness. GOD PLEASE HELP ME. I wish I could be a very determined and motivated person who has goals to achieve in life and focused on working towards those, and not so desperate and a procrastinator. GOSH LIFE SUCKS AT THE MOMENT. MY ANXIETY IS GETTING OUT OF HAND.

My heart can’t cope

My brain gave up a long time ago. Actually it didn’t give up. It was defeated. Every time. Now it’s dead, or the nearest thing to it. I don’t really feel it being there. Anyways, because the heart is so restless, even after being stabbed and defeated endless times, I don’t know where it got whatever 1-2% hope. But now it’s soo heavy. I cannot bear its burden. It’s too heavy and out of my control. It keeps falling everywhere and making me suffer even more. I cannot cope with it any longer. I don’t need my heart. I want to go. Far from here. I want to break free from my mind and heart.